Special Needs

I had grown accustomed to telling everyone that I am the mother of two special needs boys; however, as the years have gone by, I have noticed that the term special needs seems to apply to my entire household. Let me explain:

I have a car in which the horn only blows when the mechanic pushes it. Once I get two blocks from the garage, the car either becomes completely nonverbal or develops a severe case of stage fright.

I have a cordless phone on which the clock has multiple personalities. Every so often the clock just switches to military time without any warning. Then, after a while, it switches back. The thing is, there is no way to actually set the clock to military time.

Our cat has an identity crisis. She thinks she's a dog. She won't eat cat food but will fight the dogs for their dinner and she tries to bark. Oh, and she calls me "momma". I have witnesses for the momma thing, otherwise, that would have stayed just between me and the cat.

Our dinner bell is only now beginning to have self confidence in it's role as someone carelessly labeled it and advertised it as a smoke alarm.

That list is just off the top of my head. It gets worse as having special needs seems to be contagious.

-I have developed a stutter in my typing.

-I discovered that I am an actual poster child for all of those blond jokes you hear, and I'm a redhead. Go figure.

-I can't get the tunes from Disney movies out of my head. I find myself singing them in the grocery store. You should see the stares you get from singing "Bare Necessities" (The Jungle Book) in public, especially when the children aren't along.

All of that being said, I have taken a stand and drawn a line in the sand. If my furniture develops ADHD and can't sit still and/or if my lawn mower enrolls in Barber College, I'm running a way from home. I'm seeking travel buddies in advance, so feel free to join me.

I have decided that my two boys are actually gifted and it's the rest of the world, myself included, that actually needs special education.!!